Divorce Articles Section
Divorce Information for Men
The awakening of the mens movement in this country is providing
insight into the pain that men experience. The divorce process is
a common source of much of that pain. Surprisingly, in many cases
it is the man who is paralyzed by emotions not the woman.
Feeling terribly victimized, men sometimes conclude that the courts
agree with the cynical saying, Whats his is theirs and
whats hers is hers.
Men have several very real concerns.
The number one concern for fathers with young children is
how the divorce will affect their relationship with their children.
Even though we hear about fathers who abandon their children after
divorce, this is not the prevailing attitude. During divorce, men
fight for the right to participate in the lives of their children
and only if denied that right do they sometimes walk away in frustration
and discontinue child support payments.
Fathers dread their lack of control and fear the courts power
to decree the most intimate details of their relationships with
their children. Just because a man and woman no longer get along
with each other does not mean that a father loves his children less.
In fact in many cases, going through with a divorce takes them through
an educational process that brings them closer to their own hidden
emotions paving the way toward warmer and more participative
roles as fathers.
After the issue of children, a mans second concern
is the prospect of paying life-time alimony to his ex-wife. No one
wants to be tied into that possibility. Men want an end to the payments.
They believe they cannot get on with their lives as long as they
have to pay out a large portion of their income to someone that
is no longer a part of their life. They see this as keeping the
relationship going with no possibility of relief. They really do
not understand why, when a relationship is at an end, they should
have an obligation to support this person indefinitely. Moreover,
they cannot understand why a woman would want this continued enmeshment.
Having to pay out large sums in the first few years after a divorce
for things like child support, alimony, attorneys fees (both
his and hers), as well as property settlement, means that a mans
discretionary income may suffer greatly. He frequently feels that
he has been taken to the cleaners and that he is doomed
to pay for the divorce forever. In some cases, he may be right.
But statistics show that in the vast majority of cases, the financial
effects of divorce are relatively temporary. Men can take solace
in the fact that their earning potential is almost always higher
than the ex-wifes and they will eventually be financially
A third critical concern to men is sharing their pensions.
A man feels he earned the pension and he should not have to share
it with anyone. Its interesting that in many cases, the man
will agree to a 50/50 property split and give the wife other assets
in exchange for keeping his pension just dont
touch my pension! It becomes an extremely emotional issue
that can steer a man in the wrong direction!
A fourth concern for the self-employed is his business.
If it has significant value, this can be an area of great concern
for both sides. All too often it is the only asset of real value
and since it cannot be divided, paying the wife her half of the
value can be a real problem. Most often this is solved with a property
settlement note; however some judges have difficulty with this arrangement.
A universal concern is a perception that the deck is stacked against
men from the beginning because of pressures from highly visible
feminists and a sympathetic press. Men feel that they are made to
pay the price for a minority of husbands and fathers who ignore
their responsibilities. It is the experience of many men that they
are assumed guilty for the breakup of the marriage
and that they must pay in order to atone for this sin.
Obtaining the proper balance in a divorce is an extremely complex
process. The authors a man and a woman, believe that the
best results are obtained when emotions, law and finances are considered
with the unbiased view of a support team. Information is the key
to fair resolutions.
You can take action.
With detailed financial planning, you can solve these and other
problems. Take into account such factors as earnings, inflation,
division of property, the amount and the length of maintenance,
and reduced standards of living. If it's clear that one person will
have surplus dollars from earnings, make sure this is considered
when the court is making property settlements and maintenance arrangements.
There is a lot of educating that has to be done in some of these
cases. Many attorneys bring in a financial expert to take part in
this educating process.
Consider hiring a financial divorce professional.
You have help out there! Financial professionals (CPAs, attorneys,
and financial planners) are being trained in the intricate financial
aspects of divorce. They know the tax loopholes and show the long-term
financial result of any given settlement proposal. This gives you
more information that helps you come to a better solution for both
parties involved. To find a Certified Financial Divorce Practitioner
nearest you, call 888-332-3342.