Divorce Articles Section
Things the Noncustodial Parent can do to Stay in
Touch with the Kids
- E-Mail - If your kids have access to a computer, get
them their own e-mail addresses and send them encouragement, jokes,
and overall sharing via cyberspace. Don't forget: Most libraries
have computers if you or your kids don't - they usually have some
restrictions on how long you can use their e-mail system, so check
- Call regularly - Ask the custodial parent if there are
better times then others - i.e., whether he or she is trying to
put into place specific homework and mealtime slots.
- Use Tapes - Kids are used to listening to audiotapes.
Young ones love to hear Mom or Dad read stories to them. Tell
jokes and riddles. Teens are into music - get a favorite group
(assuming it's music that is OK with you), tape a lead introduction
from you and then retape the actual music tape after your intro.
Even if you only live a short distance from your kids, having
your voice at their fingertips is a big plus.
- Show Up - Rembember the movie Liar Liar? All the kid
wanted was for his dad to stop making promises that he was going
to pick him up, only to be a no-show. Make ongoing "show-up"
times and dates with your kids, then follow through. The only
valid excuse is death and dismemberment!
- Schedule nonevents - This is time just for you and your
kid. If you have more than one, this is one-on-one time. Listen,
- No-cost events - Everyone hears of the Disneyland Mom
or Dad. Sure, kids love the amusement park scene, but what they
really love is time with you. That doesn't cost money. Fly a kite,
pack a picnic, go to the park, even have a tea party. Enlist your
kids and have them each design their "no-cost" day.
- Attend school events - Kids go to school. If you live
anywhere near them, so should you. Class activities, awards, sporting
events, you name it - get involved. School is the single area
where kids spend most of their time outside of sleeping. On the
outside, they may act like it's hokey when you show up; on the
inside, they are pleased.
- Become a soccer Mom or Dad - Or baseball - whatever their
sport or activity is. Slice the oranges for them, pack a thermos
of coffee for you - it's another way to keep the connection going.
- Create their space - Kids need to know that they have
their own space at your place. This means sleeping and playing.
Yep, this means duplicate toys, clothes, combs, and toothbrushes
or any other items that are kept for their next stay. Not having
to bring a suitcase means that they are not "just visiting."
- Bite your tongue - No matter how ticked you are, don't
knock the other parent when with or speaking on the phone. Kids
shouldn't be the vent target. Period.
- Cheer them on and be generous with your bravos - Victories
come in small steps. Kids need ongoing encouragement from both
- Keep up with schoolwork - Be a research source for special
projects; brainstorm with them on how to present them.
- Get a joke or riddle book - Kids love to laugh, and so
should you. They love jokes at their respective ages, even the